Lesson One, Part Two.

Lesson One, Part Two

Time: Late afternoon, a weekday
Place: College pool

At last, the pool. How will the first lesson go, you ask? Quickly, very quickly.

What can one say about swimming? The water encircles Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous with a motherly embrace. It sucks them under with sadistic glee, also reminding them of their mothers.

Task One: Blowing Bubbles Through The Nose.
Ms. Wet remembers her daughter remarking, "Mom, it makes your nose feel so clean!" Ms. Dangerous tries not to scan the water for boogers.

Task Two: Kicking.
Ms. Dangerous assumes that her thunder thighs will assist her in making a splash. She is surprised to feel exhausted after just a couple of minutes. "What good are you, then?" she screams at her cellulite. No response.

Task Three: Treading Water.
Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous find this task to be the most difficult. "How are we supposed to save ourselves on the open ocean if we're tired after two minutes?" asks Ms. Wet, as Ms. Dangerous flirts with drowning. "Oh," replies their teacher, "I think I'm teaching you the hard way! Let me look up the easy way for the next lesson." "Grrp!" gasps Ms. Dangerous.

After speeding through enough material for 5 lessons, the teacher is as out of breath as her students. “You guys are so smart!” she gasps, “You learn much faster than my toddler class!” She promises to look up the easiest way to tread water. The sensible Ms. Wet asks for homework and receives a list of tasks to practice. “Practice?” thinks Ms. Dangerous.

Thus charged, Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous again brave the locker room. While Ms. Wet wisely changes back into her work clothes, Ms. Dangerous plans to look beguilingly damp at the bus stop in a cover-up dress and sandals. Unfortunately, the cover-up is not designed to cover up a bullet bra, and damp spots appear in embarrassing places.

Fortunately, Ms. Wet takes pity and gives Ms. Dangerous a ride home. The cover-up issue has yet to be resolved.