Lesson 6.

Ms. Wet begs to start with freestyle, rather than with diving. Instructor C tells Ms. Wet she is doing so well that she looks like a lap swimmer, never mind that her lap starts at 4 feet and ends in the middle of the pool at 5 1/2. Ms. Dangerous again struggles with synchronizing breathing. Instructor C repeatedly points this out in case Ms. Dangerous, in her gasping, has failed to notice.

Instructor C wants Ms. Wet to swim to the deep end. Ms. Wet refuses, so Instructor C settles for ordering Ms. Dangerous to do it instead. Ms. Dangerous makes it to the end of the lane, still struggling a bit with breathing, yet showing off her treading skills in 12 feet of water.

"You're treading!" exults Instructor C, who then proceeds to announce that she has no confidence in Ms. Dangerous's ability to swim, but she has total faith in Ms. Wet. Ms. Dangerous frowns, treading furiously, but Ms. Wet has yet to be convinced.

Then, Instructor C gives Ms. Dangerous and Ms. Wet an abbreviated instruction in backstroke. In 2 minutes, Instructor C covers the main points, then holds Ms. Wet's shoulders as she makes an attempt. Ms. Dangerous, already given up as a failure, flips over onto her back and strokes down to the middle of the pool. Ms. Wet stands up and watches Ms. Dangerous slip prettily through the water like Esther Williams.

"You just like the backstroke because you don't have to breathe!" accuses Instructor C.

Ms. Dangerous feigns water in the ears and ignores her. Ms. Wet tries to follow with an uncoordinated tangle of arms and legs. After two minutes, Instructor C declares the backstroke learned.

The lesson ends with Instructor C and Ms. Dangerous trying to convince Ms. Wet to jump in the deep end, or the shallow end, or even into a puddle. Ms. Dangerous leaps right into the deep end, whereafter Instructor C tells Ms. Wet that she is a much stronger swimmer than Ms. Dangerous, Ms. Dangerous is hopeless at the freestyle, and Ms. Wet should really be the one to hop in.

Instructor C tells Ms. Wet that she will have conquered her fear by next week, but Ms. Wet would like to note that she hasn't conquered it in the last 20-odd years and has no confidence that 7 more days will make any difference.




***

*Thanks to mms0131 for sharing your photo.

Lesson Four.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous pool their motivation, ignore their fatigue, and clamber over construction barriers to reach the campus pool.

And still, the doors are locked!

Ms. Wet doesn't allow Ms. Dangerous to turn around and go home; instead, they wait for Instructor C and campus police to pull up in an SUV and unlock the doors.

***

The lesson starts and again they attack the freestyle. From the beginning, both have problems. Ms. Wet feels she doesn't get anywhere when she is swimming, and her solution for coordinating breathing with strokes is just to forego the breathing part. She swims from 5 feet to the shallow end, but remains afraid that she won't be able to hold her breath for the length of the pool. No, she's not quite ready for the deep end yet.

Meanwhile, Ms. Dangerous discovers that her right side is dominant and the left just wants to glide along for the ride. She forces the left side to stroke, swinging the left arm like a club and beating at the water, as gracefully as always.

They take turns practicing, and when it's time for Instructor C to focus her attention on Ms. Wet, Ms. Dangerous entertains herself by doing submerged flips and spinning in circles.

After a few minutes of this exercise, Ms. Wet asks Instructor C about her latest problem: swimming under water. While she practices at the city pool (more on that later) with her daughter, the honest child repeatedly yells, "Mom, your butt is sticking out of the water!"

Instructor C persuades Ms. Wet to dive downward into the 5 ft water and to attempt to swim submerged. Ms. Wet tries, but halfway through her forward bend, uncertainty stops her every time and she kind of belly flops into the water. With that entry, there's no chance of breaking the surface.

"Ah," considers Instructor C, "You're swimming like a barge. How do you do that?"

Ms. Dangerous pauses mid-flip to ponder that very Pittsburgh-ian image. "I think you look more like a shark," she offers helpfully, "Imagine your cranium as a dorsal fin."

"I know what will help!" says Instructor C, "We need to learn to dive!"

"Ummmm..." mumbles Ms. Wet.

Ms. Dangerous does a flip and flashes a thumbs-up.

"Next week: the deep end!" proclaims Instructor C.

"Uhhh!!" mumbles Ms. Wet, looking stricken.

"YES!" applauds Ms. Dangerous.

Lesson Two.

Ms. Dangerous and Ms. Wet meet at the library and trudge to the pool. Cell phone in hand, Ms. Wet wishes she had cancelled. Unfortunately, her swimsuit does not have a pocket to hold the instructor’s contact information. Ms. Wet plans to learn to embroider A.S.A.P.

The locker room is negotiated and the two reluctant women report to the pool. As Ms. Wet passes the deep end, she panics and fears she will never learn to swim.

While the pool area is hot and humid. Appendage by appendage, our heroines slowly submerge into the icy water at the shallow end. Their legs go numb. The instructor makes a crude joke about the temperature, and Ms. Dangerous can’t help but think it refers to her swimsuit.

The lesson begins.

Once again treading eludes our heroines. Fast or slow, scissor kick or running man, they tread and they sink. The instructor admits she was confused by the treading instructions she found online, and she offers no further advice. She sees Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous exchange a look and encouragingly informs them that the swim team treads water while holding 15 lb weights above their heads.

Ms. Dangerous and Ms. Wet tackle the freestyle. Finally, something they do in the water takes on a natural rhythm. They bend elbows and circle arms, skimming fingers across the surface of the water. They twist with every reach, flutter kicking behind.

The hardest part is the breath. They struggle to turn heads to the side without gasping, keeping an ear in the water as a guide. Breathing disrupts their rhythm so much that the instructor remarks, “I can go back and forth the length of the pool and only breathe once!”

“Well good for you,” mutters Ms. Dangerous, “It probably helps that you’re shaped like a kayak.”

Mercifully, the half hour passes quickly and Ms. Wet and Ms. Dangerous find themselves back in the locker room struggling to return to their usual glamour. It’s worth the effort.